Hello. I haven't posted on here in months. There are a few different reasons for that.
One is that I have been questioning my religious identity lately and I wasn't sure if I should continue to speak as an LDS Vegan if I am no longer fully representative of the LDS church.
Another is that I have been facing a lot of personal, emotional, and relational challenges which I will choose to call opportunities to grow.
Another is that I have not been cooking any new and exciting things, even though I have recently been to some great Vegan-friendly restaurants.
To be honest, I suppose you could say I've been depressed. And being depressed often makes it difficult to feel like doing anything that involves facing one's own imperfections. This weekend I fully intended to set aside time to allow myself to be sad and angry about life. But before I had even started, my weekend got good. Not only good, it got great, and this culminated in a sermon at the Bellingham Unitarian Fellowship which cracked my heart open and started pouring healing onto it. So I thought I should share a bit of this moment of clarity with anyone who is reading this.
Bear with me, because while this post is about pacifism (something which goes hand in hand with veganism in my opinion), it is also about peace within ourselves.
Today was Armistice Day and Veteran's Day. Armistice Day commemorates the day on which World War I was ended at 11:11 (yes, on 11/11). Apparently in the years between WWI and WWII, every November 11th at
11:11 people would stop, even streetcars would stop halfway up a hill,
and observe two minutes of silence, one for the dead of the war, and one
for those who were left behind... the mothers and children and friends.
So
the choir sang Prayer of the Children, which has been one of my
favorite songs since my earliest memories, and I couldn't help but cry,
it was so beautiful and sad.
The sermon was about the ugliness of war, and how we learn lessons from
history so, so slowly, but that we need to keep trying to be vocal
against violence, to remind people of the lessons of history, and try to
remember them even when we're afraid, hurt, or angry. It was really
powerful... a tribute to pacifism that was not at all heavy-handed, but
simply telling the emotional truth of war, the toll it takes, and
indirectly asking if it is ever worth it.
Now you might wonder why this made my weekend so great, when it's such a depressing topic. Well, the rest of my day did involve a lot of more cheerful things, like playing a game impromptu over the phone with my sister, and laughing more than I ever expected just from the sheer joy of talking to a friend. But it was the mix of the feelings that made the day wonderful, actually. I watched a TED talk on vulnerability which you can listen to here. The most important thing I took away from it is that we as humans are wired for love and connection, and vulnerability is essential to that, even though it is also the source of anxiety, shame, and pain. We try to avoid the hard feelings by numbing ourselves. But we can't selectively numb ourselves. If we numb one emotion our capacity
to feel others will inevitably be lessened, and that leads to the
misery we're trying to avoid by numbing ourselves... it's a vicious
cycle. So. If I need to, I will still let myself feel sad or angry this
coming week. But, I will try to let myself feel happy too. Here is what I have learned.
I need
to work on embracing the heartbreakingly beautiful thing that is life
lived wholeheartedly. It is painful, but it is also good, even if I'm
scared to death of not getting what I really want or of letting people
down. I realized this weekend that a lot of the anger I've been feeling
is at myself, because I had in my heart committed to doing whatever it
took to be there for someone who is very important to me, but then that commitment crumbled under my own
needs and weakness. Or "selfishness" as I sometimes chose to call it.
The
realization that maybe I just can't be everything I want to be in a given moment was really earth shattering. It made
me feel extremely inadequate. It made me feel like my worth as a friend
was below zero. It wasn't anything anyone else did. It was all me and my
own horror at the fact that I wanted something I thought was selfish to want.
But in hurting myself for wanting things, I make
myself angry, and that anger gets displaced onto the people around me.
It
is strange to have this feeling of clarity after weeks of muddling
around in the dark. Even while I'm feeling clear, the fear is still
there. The sadness. Yes, I have lost some things that are important to
me, some chances, some threads of my life may not be picked back up or
woven in the way I dreamed they would. And that is sad and it always
will be. But I am so, so lucky. And I am okay. It is okay for me to be
who I am, even if that means being sad and hurting. And I'm crying now
but that's okay too, because hurting is okay. It's a good part of life.
It's a teacher.
I recently watched a poetic video which really
moved me because it is so relevant to this stage in my life. It's about
being alone.
You can watch it here: http://youtu.be/k7X7sZzSXYs
I
guess my life is a little bit like history. I go to war with myself so
many times, I hurt myself emotionally because I am afraid of what the
different sides of me are doing, I'm afraid of parts of myself being
destroyed by other parts, and I learn lessons which I forget over and
over but can only hope will be engraved into my heart a little deeper at
the end of every conflict and before the next one. And just like the
world I don't know if I will ever be permanently at peace or cease
violence against myself on all levels, but I can set it as a goal and
move towards it, and hope, and hope, and hope.
And enjoy whatever
peace comes in between the conflicts, and fall in love with that peace,
but bear the burden of pain and vulnerability more courageously with
each emotional falling out with myself. I can try to learn to love and
accept my imperfections as part of the learning process, as part of
being alive and being a human capable of deep transformation.
I
caught on to a feeling of freedom today, and for once I was able to
acknowledge that in some ways my focus needed to be changed. I haven't
had much perspective in the last few months as to my own personal
purpose in life. Although actually, home is still on my mind... the
creation of or return to a home, the home, the homes. And I suppose I
took that as my purpose. As the TED speaker says, that's what we're here
for, connection... neurologically, biologically, we are wired that way,
and of course I believe spiritually as well. And I still believe
that I am meant to be loved deeply and to love others deeply and create a
sense of home. I just don't know who that will be with or when or where
or how. And it is okay.
I may still have days when I get
desperate for family. When I'm so homesick that I feel like I can't face
another day on my own. When I want so badly to feel connected that I am
willing to discard every scrap of individual opinion or feeling that is
holding me back from that goal. And that's okay too. Those feelings are
valid and are good because it means that I am alive and letting myself
feel things, letting emotions drive home to me what is most important
even if I can't have it all now. I can rejoice in the beauty of those
longings, in the fact that I am literally made to love and be loved, and
eventually I will learn more and more how to do that better, and I can
find bits and pieces of happiness along the way, pieces that shine in my
pockets like the falling stars saved for a rainy day in the song my mom
used to sing.
Right now they are glowing like nightlights in my
fists, like sparks of bioluminescence in the ocean at long beach, like
the firelight behind our heads and the moonlight as we looked for
shooting stars early in the morning before the sunrise. They are glowing
like the chalices at BUF, the candles on the table in the back lit for
sorrows and joys of unnamed congregants. They are glowing like magical
stones, the hearts of mythical beasts, the eyes of jack-o-lanterns and
christmas lights and candles on a birthday cake when everyone is around
you. They are glowing like quiet sunsets and fireworks and the windows
of lodges at Holden Village. Like sunlight on the backs of dragonflies,
and the reflection of light hiding periwinkles in the river, like the
brightest of the golden leaves before the first snow. Like Las Vegas
hiding behind the horizon, like Jupiter at the end of the telescope, and
like the jeweled green of new leaves on Easter morning.
Life is
good even when it hurts, and like The Doctor said, the bad things don't
necessarily outweigh the good things or make them unimportant. Even when
life is literally too painful for some people to take, that doesn't
mean it wasn't worth living, and that they weren't worth their own time
in life. It doesn't mean the world was any less beautiful for their pain
or their confusion or loss or sorrow.
So it is okay for me to
feel these things. It is okay for me to be beautifully sad and fearfully
joyful. It is even okay for me to feel ugly and angry and dark once in a
while. I can come out of it and still feel the shining of things if I
pay enough attention. If I don't numb myself too much to escape from
life.
And yes, right now I do believe in God with my whole heart,
because my heart is singing out to Him, whatever or wherever he is. I
feel that the beauty of life in every tiny moment is something that,
whether incidental or intentional, is so perfectly designed like a song,
like music, the notes happen and each is brought into being
individually even as they are part of something whole and alive which
lives and dies, swells and subsides. And this feeling of awe and
inspiration is too closely linked to my religious life to probably ever
extricate or separate, although I know that I can't predict the future
even in things I feel are certain never to change. Still, regardless of
what it is connected to, I want to embrace it wholeheartedly as I used
to more often in the past, and let it change me, open my eyes and heart
to living from the heart. Really that is where we all live whether we admit
it to ourselves or not. If we can make peace with our own hearts and
love them for what they are, life becomes so much more meaningful in the
small things.
And I had no idea I had this much to say on this
subject, but the flow of words picked me up and it feels like I'm being
spoken through, like the me that is present in my mind lately, the angry
and shallow me I dislike, has fallen silent and stepped aside to allow
something powerful and beautiful and pure to pour out like water from a
rock. And although I sometimes wonder whether we
should trust this spontaneously joyful and loving part of myself,
since its desires have sometimes seemed to cause pain and turmoil... I
don't think that changes the fact that the heart itself of that
phenomenon is good and should not be starved or beaten into submission.
It is beautiful. It is so beautiful, the purest core of that feeling.
And
it makes me like myself a lot more, because of the chance that maybe,
just maybe, THIS is the real me, and everything that I hate is the
surface me, the shell with which I try to guard myself from the world. I
know that when I talk to people I really love about things that are
hurting them, when I get into that mode of having really deep empathetic
conversation, I feel that the cores of those people I love are like
this thing that is moving in me now. I don't know what to
call it without sounding cheesy or trite. But it's the real reason life
is worth living, and I can never get away from that. I don't want to.
Why would I?
May Days
I am posting this on the last day of July, which is pretty sad. I have been having a difficult time wanting to update this blog ever since April, because of some soul-searching I've been going through. I didn't feel I was in any position to post my own "wisdom" about veganism and religious things. But I guess I've decided to try to start back up again, because having a reason to organize my thoughts helps me to examine why I hold certain beliefs.
So here's what happened in May!
I began to look for a new place to live. I wanted to make sure that I ended up in a place where neither my religious beliefs nor my veganism would be looked down upon. So, between fairly full days working for Premier Graphics (which was really an answer to my prayers!) I began to search for a new apartment to share with someone. It's always scary, putting myself out there. I'm not a naturally extroverted person, but I usually do enjoy meeting new people. Luckily all the people I met were really nice! Near the end of the month I ended up choosing an apartment closer to where I worked. My new roommate is very understanding of veganism, is a Christian, and also a science-fiction nerd like me, so it's a great setup altogether. Plus, it's right next to some protected wetlands, making it quiet and peaceful, and an excellent place to grow my garden, even if they will have to stay in their pots.
Meanwhile, I have set about the task of trying to mentally and emotionally prepare myself for moving out (which would happen at the end of June) and also for seeing my best friend Danielle leave for Germany (which will happen in September). It's not an easy road and there's no map for me to follow, at least not one that I trust. But I try to comfort myself in knowing that I will always have someone to turn to. While I was living in Hawaii, even though I could see Danielle on the weekends, I was often lonely during the week because I had no other friends around. While learning and growing as a new vegan, I took a lot of comfort in animals, whether just meeting eyes with them, or petting a friendly cat I met on the street. So, one night recently when I was home alone in Bellingham, I was feeling lonely. Along comes a friendly cat who insists on coming inside and keeping me company!
It was also really nice to have Oma (Danielle's grandmother) over for lunch one day. Me and Danielle made Chickpea Picatta from the PPK, with arugala, and it was (of course) delicious!
Here's a picture of the table all set up for lunch!
Oma and the rest of Danielle's family will still be around, and luckily, they're like my second family. So that should make things easier for me.
Oh, Danielle also made a variation of the peanut butter chocolate eggs! It's called "Sweet and Salty Raspberry Hazelnut Butter Cups" and it is basically amazing. She made them for Oma but I got to taste a couple!
So all in all May was a good month!
So here's what happened in May!
I began to look for a new place to live. I wanted to make sure that I ended up in a place where neither my religious beliefs nor my veganism would be looked down upon. So, between fairly full days working for Premier Graphics (which was really an answer to my prayers!) I began to search for a new apartment to share with someone. It's always scary, putting myself out there. I'm not a naturally extroverted person, but I usually do enjoy meeting new people. Luckily all the people I met were really nice! Near the end of the month I ended up choosing an apartment closer to where I worked. My new roommate is very understanding of veganism, is a Christian, and also a science-fiction nerd like me, so it's a great setup altogether. Plus, it's right next to some protected wetlands, making it quiet and peaceful, and an excellent place to grow my garden, even if they will have to stay in their pots.
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| There they go, beginning to grow.... |
Here's a picture of the table all set up for lunch!
Oh, Danielle also made a variation of the peanut butter chocolate eggs! It's called "Sweet and Salty Raspberry Hazelnut Butter Cups" and it is basically amazing. She made them for Oma but I got to taste a couple!
So all in all May was a good month!
Easter Goodies and Early Birthday Gifts
I haven't been very good at updating this blog regularly... sorry (not sure who I'm apologizing to, but all the same).
Things have turned up since last I wrote! I now have a new job with a company called Premier which creates school planners and calendars. I start work on the 24th, just two days after my 23rd birthday, which is of course on April 22nd. I'm excited and nervous and still a little in shock about the whole thing. It's a seasonal position but even if they don't decide to keep me on after summer, it will look pretty good on my resume!
But first I should talk a little about Easter!
I was anxious about spending another Easter away from my family, especially since this year it would just be me and Danielle celebrating together. It's been several years now since I was last home for Easter with my family, and it's one of my favorite holidays. My family has a tradition of doing a sunrise hike and sermon on Easter morning. My parents also write us each cards telling us how they appreciate the ways in which we've changed and grown in the past year... and then we have our Christian Passover Seder meal, full of symbolism and storytelling and singing. I miss it. Last year I was able to listen and participate a little bit over the phone, and that was nice.
This year we got invited to go on a hike with some acquaintances from school on Saturday. It turned out to be a gorgeously sunny weekend, and I loved it!
We hiked a trail near Larrabee State Park which is called the "oyster dome" trail. It was mostly uphill and pretty steep, but lots of trees, ferns, and views of the sound (puget sound or the salish sea) and we even crossed some streams along the way. It was pretty muddy in some places.
AND THEN we were silly enough to climb up on top of this big rock and almost couldn't get down... but we found a way in the end.
And of course, finally, we made it to the top of Oyster Dome.
Hiking has always felt like a very symbolic experience to me. It's a struggle to get to a higher place, a higher vantage point and perspective. Sometimes it seems like the trail just keeps getting steeper and our legs keep getting heavier and how could it possibly be worth it? But if it's a good hike and you're doing it right, it's half its own reward because you know each step is an accomplishment and you're in the middle of a beautiful wilderness. If you were to stop along the way, you could see beauty where you are, but still, you keep going because there's something amazing to see, and a great thrill of accomplishment to feel, when you reach the top. It's a great way to think about life. It makes me feel optimistic, like each heavy step is meaningful. Even the mud just makes it more memorable. And sometimes we stop and take detours to challenge ourselves for fun and then get stuck and maybe a little bit scared, but it all works out and soon enough we're on our way and glad we gave it a try.
There was no sunrise when we got to the top since the sun was already up, and no sermon. But I felt a similar sense of happiness and awe at the world and my tiny-but-real significance within it.
The next day we were so sore, but we dragged ourselves out of bed early to go to church together at Christ the Servant. Yes, I go to church with Danielle sometimes, and I love it. The front of the chapel was covered in flowers, the choir was amazing, and there was a small band/orchestra type group with horns and a clarinet and flute which made everything sound twice as majestic. The Easter hymns nearly made me cry and for the first time in weeks I felt the joy of what it really means to be Christian. Jesus lives and rose from the dead--his love and hope conquered every darkness imaginable, and that means there's always hope for us, no matter how dead we feel. We can make it to the top. We can see the view. And we can have joy in the struggle. We can overcome anything because of that spark of light inside us, which sometimes, in special moments, feels more like a sun.
So my Easter was wonderful!
Granted, I've had to be careful since then, because I've been having way too many sweets!
First of all, me and Danielle made vegan peanut-butter filled chocolate eggs. They're basically exactly like Reese's cups, except better because we used Trader Joe's Pounds Plus dark chocolate for the outside which is way tastier than Reese's chocolate. We are definitely going to have to make and eat more of these soon!
Then last weekend Danielle's parents came up and we had a sort of combined birthday thing because our birthdays are only 12 days apart. So I got a new blender (EXCELLENT because my old one broke)! And a singing bowl (FANTASTIC because it reminds me of the East West Bookstore in Seattle, which is a spiritual sanctuary I've had the privilege of stepping into a few times)! Also they brought home-made Raspberry Truffle Brownies and homemade vegan blueberry cheesecake (unfortunately I don't know what recipe Danielle's dad used, but it was sure good, and so sweet of him to make it for us). Oh and Oma gave us chocolate hemp ice cream too.
Since then we've both been kind of lazy because we started watching Doctor Who on Easter and I'm low on grocery money. But we still manage our usual pots of lentils and curries and the other night I made a lovely barley stew with lots of herbs and veggies in it. We've also made two batches of super easy homemade biscuits with Earth Balance and jam.
Enjoying the sun and rain which are beginning to happen in ALMOST equal measures. My plants are finally growing a little but they're still small. At least our houseplants are doing well.
Still anxious about the future. Life is a series of great contradictions and contrasts. I guess the best thing to do is to try to enjoy those contrasts and rejoice in the beauty of everyday life.
Things have turned up since last I wrote! I now have a new job with a company called Premier which creates school planners and calendars. I start work on the 24th, just two days after my 23rd birthday, which is of course on April 22nd. I'm excited and nervous and still a little in shock about the whole thing. It's a seasonal position but even if they don't decide to keep me on after summer, it will look pretty good on my resume!
But first I should talk a little about Easter!
I was anxious about spending another Easter away from my family, especially since this year it would just be me and Danielle celebrating together. It's been several years now since I was last home for Easter with my family, and it's one of my favorite holidays. My family has a tradition of doing a sunrise hike and sermon on Easter morning. My parents also write us each cards telling us how they appreciate the ways in which we've changed and grown in the past year... and then we have our Christian Passover Seder meal, full of symbolism and storytelling and singing. I miss it. Last year I was able to listen and participate a little bit over the phone, and that was nice.
This year we got invited to go on a hike with some acquaintances from school on Saturday. It turned out to be a gorgeously sunny weekend, and I loved it!
There was no sunrise when we got to the top since the sun was already up, and no sermon. But I felt a similar sense of happiness and awe at the world and my tiny-but-real significance within it.
The next day we were so sore, but we dragged ourselves out of bed early to go to church together at Christ the Servant. Yes, I go to church with Danielle sometimes, and I love it. The front of the chapel was covered in flowers, the choir was amazing, and there was a small band/orchestra type group with horns and a clarinet and flute which made everything sound twice as majestic. The Easter hymns nearly made me cry and for the first time in weeks I felt the joy of what it really means to be Christian. Jesus lives and rose from the dead--his love and hope conquered every darkness imaginable, and that means there's always hope for us, no matter how dead we feel. We can make it to the top. We can see the view. And we can have joy in the struggle. We can overcome anything because of that spark of light inside us, which sometimes, in special moments, feels more like a sun.
So my Easter was wonderful!
Granted, I've had to be careful since then, because I've been having way too many sweets!
First of all, me and Danielle made vegan peanut-butter filled chocolate eggs. They're basically exactly like Reese's cups, except better because we used Trader Joe's Pounds Plus dark chocolate for the outside which is way tastier than Reese's chocolate. We are definitely going to have to make and eat more of these soon!
Then last weekend Danielle's parents came up and we had a sort of combined birthday thing because our birthdays are only 12 days apart. So I got a new blender (EXCELLENT because my old one broke)! And a singing bowl (FANTASTIC because it reminds me of the East West Bookstore in Seattle, which is a spiritual sanctuary I've had the privilege of stepping into a few times)! Also they brought home-made Raspberry Truffle Brownies and homemade vegan blueberry cheesecake (unfortunately I don't know what recipe Danielle's dad used, but it was sure good, and so sweet of him to make it for us). Oh and Oma gave us chocolate hemp ice cream too.
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| Yes I am stealing the PPK's picture. |
Enjoying the sun and rain which are beginning to happen in ALMOST equal measures. My plants are finally growing a little but they're still small. At least our houseplants are doing well.
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| reach toward the liiiight |
Ups and Downs
A lot has changed since I last wrote. I don't have many food pictures to share with you today so I'll just pick out the best of the springtime-y photos I've been taking and break up the monotony of my ramblings with them. Hopefully that makes this a little more interesting.
I honestly was excited to work at my new job, but since I was hired at the beginning of March, I've only worked 3 days and earned a little over 150 dollars. I wasn't able to get a hold of my bosses consistently, and because of family issues they didn't have time to train me, and I'm too slow to be put on a crew without my supervisor. It was a complicated situation and was only made worse by the fact that when I went to finally talk to them about it in person and get my paycheck (which was late) I ended up crying, and they ended up essentially saying that they were sorry I was having a hard time but they couldn't really change the way they were doing things. So now it's back to square one with the job search.
For a few days I was honestly, extremely down about this. I had a really hard time. Luckily, Danielle and I had decided to volunteer for Vegfest 2012 in Seattle, and that helped a little. Vegfest is put on by the Vegetarians of Washington, and was just a really awesome place to be. We volunteered with Field Roast, a Seattle-based company that makes amazing vegan sausages and other "meat" products out of grains, vegetables, and spices (no soy). We got to meet some of the people who run the company, and they were really nice--they even gave us about $40 worth of Field Roast products as thanks for volunteering! There were only a few of us volunteers at the booth and I was one of the ones running the grills. We were demonstrating their relatively new product: Frankfurters (aka delicious hot dogs).
They smell like bacon while they're cooking and taste really good. It's really an amazing product and it was so awesome to see everybody lining up at the table to get free samples and exclaiming over how good they were. I heard people telling their friends, and people came up to the table saying that someone they'd come with had said they had to try the hot dogs. It was really exciting, actually! And to know that all the people we were volunteering with were vegetarian, and to be in that environment where the death of animals is not a central part of the event (in the form of animal-derived foods) was honestly SO COOL.
It's like coming home to your own culture after being in a strange land, I guess. Around everyone who is not vegan there is always a part of me that is guarded because I know that they don't see animals the way I do, and I've come across so many nasty and thoughtless comments and jokes from people whenever they encounter a vegan. Actually just recently I commented on a thread on facebook and was sort of attacked by a fellow commenter. That was pretty frustrating. But at Vegfest I felt that part of me was able to relax--I was in a safe place. It was really nice.
AND THERE WAS SO MUCH GOOD FOOD. So many tables with vegan yogurts, cheeses, burritos, jerky, frozen desserts, puddings, pies, cakes, mousse, smoothies, and health drinks. And it was packed full of people, too!
So that was the highlight of the last weekend. I still struggled with moments where I felt like I was in an unusual amount of emotional pain for some reason. I'm not sure why I felt so terrible about my job problem except that I really want to be able to be self-sufficient and contribute to other people instead of being a burden to them. I had to pray for strength a lot that weekend. But I am being helped by some wonderful, generous people. It's just frightening on the job market today, and even harder when you're vegan. Working at most food-related jobs is out of the question because it goes against my morals to profit from animal exploitation, so I can't just go work at a burger joint if all else fails, and that is not something I'm able to compromise on. The most I could do in food service is work at a grocery store stocking or cashiering, and maybe at a cafe as a dishwasher or something.
Meanwhile, my best friend Danielle has been accepted to a Master's Program in Germany, meaning I probably won't be seeing her much for two years starting in the fall. Considering this, my future is even more uncertain, but if I can't find a job (and maybe even if I can) I'm considering looking at possible internships or volunteer work, hopefully with an organization that would benefit animals (like Mercy for Animals or the Humane Society or SOMETHING).
I've been coping with the resurgence of emotional rollercoastering by writing lots of Star Trek fanfiction, and trying to appreciate the few sunny days we've had when I can tear myself away from my computer. I'm also playing with the idea of putting together a small book of poetry, hopefully with some illustrations, that I could possibly sell to earn money--but I would be donating 50% of the profits to animal organizations. I think this would serve two purposes at once, making me feel like I was contributing to the causes I care about and still helping me toward my goal of financial independence. Every little step counts... at least I sure hope that's true.
Meanwhile, my 23rd birthday is fast approaching and all I want is a new blender/food-processor.... My old one died while making that batch of Sunflower Mac. Cooking just isn't the same without it.
OH I JUST REMEMBERED. I finally planted some seeds in my pots from last year. I went to go buy some fertilizer at the local nursery and even though all the dry fertilizers had bone meal or some other animal product in it, I found a liquid fertilizer called Daniels Plant Food which is apparently soybean based and has no animal ingredients. So, a couple days ago I planted two pots of spinach, two pots of kale, a tiny bit of carrots, a pot of rainbow chard, a pot of peas, some dill, and some coriander. I hope they grow! I'll let you guys know how they do on the liquid fertilizer. I was really delighted to see that when I started loosening up the soil in the pots, all kinds of little creepy-crawlies were squirming around in the soil, including two nice fat earthworms. So hopefully that means the soil in the pots is nice and healthy, and will be good for the plants!
I just hope my seeds haven't drowned--right after I watered them, it rained and poured for a day and a half.
I honestly was excited to work at my new job, but since I was hired at the beginning of March, I've only worked 3 days and earned a little over 150 dollars. I wasn't able to get a hold of my bosses consistently, and because of family issues they didn't have time to train me, and I'm too slow to be put on a crew without my supervisor. It was a complicated situation and was only made worse by the fact that when I went to finally talk to them about it in person and get my paycheck (which was late) I ended up crying, and they ended up essentially saying that they were sorry I was having a hard time but they couldn't really change the way they were doing things. So now it's back to square one with the job search.
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| But at least the blossoms are pretty. |
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| Oh look a food picture! |
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It's like coming home to your own culture after being in a strange land, I guess. Around everyone who is not vegan there is always a part of me that is guarded because I know that they don't see animals the way I do, and I've come across so many nasty and thoughtless comments and jokes from people whenever they encounter a vegan. Actually just recently I commented on a thread on facebook and was sort of attacked by a fellow commenter. That was pretty frustrating. But at Vegfest I felt that part of me was able to relax--I was in a safe place. It was really nice.
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| Oh look, it's downtown Bellingham! IN THE SUN! |
AND THERE WAS SO MUCH GOOD FOOD. So many tables with vegan yogurts, cheeses, burritos, jerky, frozen desserts, puddings, pies, cakes, mousse, smoothies, and health drinks. And it was packed full of people, too!
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| and the suuunlight was GLOORIOUSSss... |
So that was the highlight of the last weekend. I still struggled with moments where I felt like I was in an unusual amount of emotional pain for some reason. I'm not sure why I felt so terrible about my job problem except that I really want to be able to be self-sufficient and contribute to other people instead of being a burden to them. I had to pray for strength a lot that weekend. But I am being helped by some wonderful, generous people. It's just frightening on the job market today, and even harder when you're vegan. Working at most food-related jobs is out of the question because it goes against my morals to profit from animal exploitation, so I can't just go work at a burger joint if all else fails, and that is not something I'm able to compromise on. The most I could do in food service is work at a grocery store stocking or cashiering, and maybe at a cafe as a dishwasher or something.
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| Look. It's a duck! Or something.... |
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| Oh hi there. My hair's getting kind of long. |
Meanwhile, my 23rd birthday is fast approaching and all I want is a new blender/food-processor.... My old one died while making that batch of Sunflower Mac. Cooking just isn't the same without it.
OH I JUST REMEMBERED. I finally planted some seeds in my pots from last year. I went to go buy some fertilizer at the local nursery and even though all the dry fertilizers had bone meal or some other animal product in it, I found a liquid fertilizer called Daniels Plant Food which is apparently soybean based and has no animal ingredients. So, a couple days ago I planted two pots of spinach, two pots of kale, a tiny bit of carrots, a pot of rainbow chard, a pot of peas, some dill, and some coriander. I hope they grow! I'll let you guys know how they do on the liquid fertilizer. I was really delighted to see that when I started loosening up the soil in the pots, all kinds of little creepy-crawlies were squirming around in the soil, including two nice fat earthworms. So hopefully that means the soil in the pots is nice and healthy, and will be good for the plants!
I just hope my seeds haven't drowned--right after I watered them, it rained and poured for a day and a half.
Food Picture Time!
I haven't been doing a lot of interesting cooking lately because I'm still waiting for my first paycheck and the grocery budget has temporarily shrunk (at least I hope it's temporary). Also I've been being a lazy bum doing a Star Trek marathon for the last few weeks.
But here are some of the few things we have made recently!
Eggplant and Black Eyed Pea Curry
From The PPK of course. It was a pretty simple recipe even if it did seem to take a long time (we were starting with dried beans). I liked it but Danielle didn't... something about the eggplant being bitter I guess. We left out the fennel seed. It made what felt like a ton of food for two people... We were eating it for the next 2 days.
Sunflower Mac
This was a pretty simple recipe too actually! I liked the way it tasted, even if it turned out a little gritty because our blender decided to DIE halfway through the process of making the sauce (RIP BLENDER. Thanks for dying when I have no money to replace you!) but I'll just say, despite what people may claim, it still doesn't taste like Mac n' Cheese. It's good, and I do like the flavor, but if you're going for authentic this isn't really it. I'd still recommend it to vegans though since a lot of people really love it.
Peanut Butter Blondies
omg this recipe was so simple, and so rich it was ridiculous! Overwhelming peanut butter flavor. It was almost too much for me, and I'm a peanut butter addict o_o
Sweet Potato and White Bean Soup
I halfway made up this recipe myself by looking at recipes for soups involving white beans. This is a picture of my first try which didn't include kale... I like it better with kale in it though. I think this is basically how the recipe went, but you can always experiment with more herbs if it's too bland.
2 TBSP olive oil
4 cups veggie broth
1 onion, chopped
3-5 cloves garlic, minced
1/2-1 bunch chopped kale (depends on the size of the bunch)
1 can white beans
1 cup crushed italian style canned tomatoes
1 sweet potato or yam, chopped into smallish chunks
1-2 tsp of dried thyme
Fry up the onion until translucent, add garlic for a minute or two, then put in the broth, kale, tomatoes, and yam, along with thyme. Bring to a boil, then let simmer for 10-15 minutes or until yam is tender (may take longer) Add white beans and warm through... add more salt, thyme, or fresh rosemary to taste (dried takes too long to soften).
Sushi
One day when we needed creative ways to use veggies, I made the zesty black bean and corn salad, and then whipped up these! It took ages but I had a lot of fun. They're very simple ingredients-wise... but time-consuming. I used the sushi rice recipe out of an excellent book called Kansha, and the recipe for the sushi itself came from a little book full of cute vegan sushi called Vegetarian Sushi Made Easy.
Nava's Hearty Lentil and Mushroom Shepherd's Pie
From the Fat Free Vegan blog. This recipe went way beyond my expectations. We used kale instead of spinach. Delicious comfort food, right here. I can't wait to make it again!
Raspberry Truffle Brownies
These are probably the best vegan brownies I've ever had. My first bite was so overwhelming it was hard to go on, but then I had to, and then I couldn't stop. Ugh... really rich and fudgy, I love it. Recipe includes applesauce.
And last but not least... I'm sad to say that I ate the last of our
Bob's Red Mill 10-Grain Cereal
Which is delicious with almond milk, brown sugar, nuts, sunflower seeds, and dried fruit on it.
Did you know that if you eat 2.5 cups of this stuff, that's 60 grams of protein? That's less than 10 grams shy of my daily recommended intake, and probably goes even further over the edge with the 6 or so grams from the sunflower seeds, and another 6 or so from a slice of peanut butter toast. Plus it's warm and comforting and super filling. I need to get me some more of this stuff.
So there you have it... a sampling of the best stuff I've been eating lately (we don't need to go over the endless amounts of cold cereal, oranges, pasta with marinara, toast, applesauce, and triscuits spread with various nut butters and jams, do we?)
But here are some of the few things we have made recently!
Eggplant and Black Eyed Pea Curry
Sunflower Mac
Peanut Butter Blondies
omg this recipe was so simple, and so rich it was ridiculous! Overwhelming peanut butter flavor. It was almost too much for me, and I'm a peanut butter addict o_o
Sweet Potato and White Bean Soup
2 TBSP olive oil
4 cups veggie broth
1 onion, chopped
3-5 cloves garlic, minced
1/2-1 bunch chopped kale (depends on the size of the bunch)
1 can white beans
1 cup crushed italian style canned tomatoes
1 sweet potato or yam, chopped into smallish chunks
1-2 tsp of dried thyme
Fry up the onion until translucent, add garlic for a minute or two, then put in the broth, kale, tomatoes, and yam, along with thyme. Bring to a boil, then let simmer for 10-15 minutes or until yam is tender (may take longer) Add white beans and warm through... add more salt, thyme, or fresh rosemary to taste (dried takes too long to soften).
Sushi
Nava's Hearty Lentil and Mushroom Shepherd's Pie
From the Fat Free Vegan blog. This recipe went way beyond my expectations. We used kale instead of spinach. Delicious comfort food, right here. I can't wait to make it again!
Raspberry Truffle Brownies
And last but not least... I'm sad to say that I ate the last of our
Bob's Red Mill 10-Grain Cereal
Which is delicious with almond milk, brown sugar, nuts, sunflower seeds, and dried fruit on it.
Did you know that if you eat 2.5 cups of this stuff, that's 60 grams of protein? That's less than 10 grams shy of my daily recommended intake, and probably goes even further over the edge with the 6 or so grams from the sunflower seeds, and another 6 or so from a slice of peanut butter toast. Plus it's warm and comforting and super filling. I need to get me some more of this stuff.
So there you have it... a sampling of the best stuff I've been eating lately (we don't need to go over the endless amounts of cold cereal, oranges, pasta with marinara, toast, applesauce, and triscuits spread with various nut butters and jams, do we?)
Lent and Other Spiritual Things
I love Lent! That may seem a bit odd, since it's not an LDS tradition. I was first introduced to it by Danielle, since she was raised Lutheran. Lent is when you give up something for the 40 days before Easter. Our second Lent was when we decided to give up meat together. It was the very first step in what would become our vegan spiritual journey.
This year I've decided to set aside more time for spiritual things. I recently tried meditating for the first time and I liked it so much that I'm trying to set aside 30-60 minutes every day for a sort of daily devotional, which includes time for journal writing, personal prayer, meditation, and the singing or writing of hymns. So far I have noticed a great improvement in my overall emotional state... I was semi-depressed before starting meditation and now I find it much easier to keep a positive attitude about things. It's odd, but taking a moment to just BE in the present moment and appreciate the fact of your own existence, the significance of each breath continuing your life, is really powerful and good for shifting one's perspective out of self-defeating thought processes. It can be very easy to get depressed when there is so much wrong with the world, and to feel like things will never get better and there's no point in trying. But there is never a moment in any of our lives where we have no significance or value. Veganism has already taught me that about animals, but sometimes I forget it about myself.
Granted, I'm also probably happier lately because I have finally got a job! I was hired by a small cleaning company which is run by a young Christian couple. They are extremely nice people and I feel privileged to work for them. I only had my third day of work yesterday, and I feel like I'm really slow at it compared to my boss and the more experienced cleaners, but everyone has been really encouraging and friendly, and I do take satisfaction in knowing I am thorough even if I'm not fast yet. It's a great feeling to step back after cleaning something thoroughly and say "I did that! I made that look beautiful." And my body will get stronger, too. It's quite a work out, cleaning all day long! Humans need to feel useful in order to be happy I think.
As a side note of news, Danielle and I are volunteering for Field Roast's booth at Seattle's Vegfest on the 24th! I'm super excited because that probably means free food samples! :D
Let's see... what else... I recently went to a Relief Society planning meeting where I suddenly got invited to teach a class on Vegan cooking, but that is getting rescheduled for another as yet undetermined time.
Here's an awesome quote I recently read related to veganism:
"But for the sake of some little mouthful of flesh we deprive a soul of the sun and light, and of that proportion of life and time she had been born into the world to enjoy."
- Plutarch
I continue to search for answers about what God is really like. I recently took heart from reading this short article from the Christian Vegetarian Association's newsletter.
_______________
The Gospel According to John begins, “In the beginning was the Word [Greek: logos], and the Word was with God, and the Word was God…” What is the logos?
Ancient sources use logos in a variety of ways, including to denote “word” or “speech.” The context of the writer of John’s Gospel suggests to me that this writer used logos in the sense that the Greek philosopher Heraclitus (ca. 535-475 BCE) used it. For Heraclitus, logos was a general concept – a principle of order and knowledge. Therefore, I think the writer of John was asserting that a logos/general principle has always guided the universe, and this principle was manifest in Jesus of Nazareth.
Is there evidence for such a guiding principle? A look at nature, where animals routinely kill each other, suggests that if there is such a principle, it is not benign. However, in nature creatures also delight in life and even showing kindness and compassion for each other. Indeed, nonhumans will care for friends and even strangers, and sometimes even members of other species. Similarly, humans manifest both extremes of cruelty and callousness as well as love and altruism.
Christian scripture and tradition teaches that the logos was made incarnate in Jesus. To understand the logos from a Christian perspective, we need to explore the life and teachings of Jesus. Here, we find a person who repeatedly showed love, compassion, and concern. He taught that “the greatest commandment” was love, and this accords with 1 John 4:8, which reads, “He who does not love does not know God; for God is love.”
I think that belief that there is a logos is similar to a belief that God exists. We find evidence for both in our lives and in the world around us, though we are also challenged in our faith by evidence to the contrary. Ultimately, we have no choice but organize our lives around principles, whether those principles involve love on one extreme or narcissistic self-interest on the other, and whether or not those principles include God or other metaphysical dimensions. As a person of faith, I choose to try to align my life with a notion of the logos in which the creator God (however clouded in mystery God might be) is loving and caring. I think seeing God as aligned with a single principle is crucial for monotheism, which I will explore next week.
Stephen R. Kaufman, M.D.
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| Have a photo of crocuses - one of the first signs of spring! |
This year I've decided to set aside more time for spiritual things. I recently tried meditating for the first time and I liked it so much that I'm trying to set aside 30-60 minutes every day for a sort of daily devotional, which includes time for journal writing, personal prayer, meditation, and the singing or writing of hymns. So far I have noticed a great improvement in my overall emotional state... I was semi-depressed before starting meditation and now I find it much easier to keep a positive attitude about things. It's odd, but taking a moment to just BE in the present moment and appreciate the fact of your own existence, the significance of each breath continuing your life, is really powerful and good for shifting one's perspective out of self-defeating thought processes. It can be very easy to get depressed when there is so much wrong with the world, and to feel like things will never get better and there's no point in trying. But there is never a moment in any of our lives where we have no significance or value. Veganism has already taught me that about animals, but sometimes I forget it about myself.
Granted, I'm also probably happier lately because I have finally got a job! I was hired by a small cleaning company which is run by a young Christian couple. They are extremely nice people and I feel privileged to work for them. I only had my third day of work yesterday, and I feel like I'm really slow at it compared to my boss and the more experienced cleaners, but everyone has been really encouraging and friendly, and I do take satisfaction in knowing I am thorough even if I'm not fast yet. It's a great feeling to step back after cleaning something thoroughly and say "I did that! I made that look beautiful." And my body will get stronger, too. It's quite a work out, cleaning all day long! Humans need to feel useful in order to be happy I think.
As a side note of news, Danielle and I are volunteering for Field Roast's booth at Seattle's Vegfest on the 24th! I'm super excited because that probably means free food samples! :D
Let's see... what else... I recently went to a Relief Society planning meeting where I suddenly got invited to teach a class on Vegan cooking, but that is getting rescheduled for another as yet undetermined time.
Here's an awesome quote I recently read related to veganism:
"But for the sake of some little mouthful of flesh we deprive a soul of the sun and light, and of that proportion of life and time she had been born into the world to enjoy."
- Plutarch
I continue to search for answers about what God is really like. I recently took heart from reading this short article from the Christian Vegetarian Association's newsletter.
_______________
The Gospel According to John begins, “In the beginning was the Word [Greek: logos], and the Word was with God, and the Word was God…” What is the logos?
Ancient sources use logos in a variety of ways, including to denote “word” or “speech.” The context of the writer of John’s Gospel suggests to me that this writer used logos in the sense that the Greek philosopher Heraclitus (ca. 535-475 BCE) used it. For Heraclitus, logos was a general concept – a principle of order and knowledge. Therefore, I think the writer of John was asserting that a logos/general principle has always guided the universe, and this principle was manifest in Jesus of Nazareth.
Is there evidence for such a guiding principle? A look at nature, where animals routinely kill each other, suggests that if there is such a principle, it is not benign. However, in nature creatures also delight in life and even showing kindness and compassion for each other. Indeed, nonhumans will care for friends and even strangers, and sometimes even members of other species. Similarly, humans manifest both extremes of cruelty and callousness as well as love and altruism.
Christian scripture and tradition teaches that the logos was made incarnate in Jesus. To understand the logos from a Christian perspective, we need to explore the life and teachings of Jesus. Here, we find a person who repeatedly showed love, compassion, and concern. He taught that “the greatest commandment” was love, and this accords with 1 John 4:8, which reads, “He who does not love does not know God; for God is love.”
I think that belief that there is a logos is similar to a belief that God exists. We find evidence for both in our lives and in the world around us, though we are also challenged in our faith by evidence to the contrary. Ultimately, we have no choice but organize our lives around principles, whether those principles involve love on one extreme or narcissistic self-interest on the other, and whether or not those principles include God or other metaphysical dimensions. As a person of faith, I choose to try to align my life with a notion of the logos in which the creator God (however clouded in mystery God might be) is loving and caring. I think seeing God as aligned with a single principle is crucial for monotheism, which I will explore next week.
Stephen R. Kaufman, M.D.
Animal Advocacy News
Here is some general news about Veganism which has been cropping up on my Facebook and email lately. Each title is linked to further information and/or a way to take action.
The Turlock Hen Rescue
A factory egg farm recently shut down his facility, leaving 50,000 hens to starve to death. Animal Place and one other organization have taken the initiative to rescue some 4-5 thousand of the hens but are completely overwhelmed with the need for food, bedding, and other supplies. These people are amazing, they are giving their all to save these hens' lives. I could only donate a tiny amount, but by sharing it I have been able to get donations from some family and friends, and I hope that those who can do something for this cause will. It's not every day we have a chance like this to make a real impact on such a huge number of suffering animals. You can also sign this petition to bring the farm owner to justice.
Ag-Gag Bills
There is one in Utah which has passed the House. For those of you living in Utah, please contact your senators and let them know that this is not okay. In order for people to learn the truth about factory farms, we need to continue to be able to send in undercover investigators to document the horrors without being treated like terrorists. One such bill, the first of its kind to pass, has already recently passed in Iowa.
People from MFA are protesting it. I hope it does some good : \
Antibiotic-Resistant Super Viruses
This is the second article I have found talking about how our overuse of antibiotics in factory farms (necessary to keep animals alive in such awful conditions) is breeding new antibiotic-resistant superbugs which are now infecting humans. The first was from a German news source, Der Speigel.
Fox Penning in Virginia
Click above to sign the petition against fox penning. It's a really horrible practice... I don't see how anyone can justify it.
Horse Slaughter in Missouri
Another petition link above.
Use of Pigs in Combat Training
Another petition
Ban the Sale of Whale, Dolphin, and Porpoise meat
and another.
Dying Cattle at Sea
The practice of shipping cattle overseas for slaughter is probably even worse than shipping them by truck. 3,000 cattle recently died when a ship got stranded....
Although there are a lot of other issues and petitions to look for, I'll let anyone who wants to look them up do so on their own. There are many problems in this world and it's easy to get overwhelmed. But we all just have to focus on what we can do, and do it, not get depressed about what we are not doing.
The Turlock Hen Rescue
A factory egg farm recently shut down his facility, leaving 50,000 hens to starve to death. Animal Place and one other organization have taken the initiative to rescue some 4-5 thousand of the hens but are completely overwhelmed with the need for food, bedding, and other supplies. These people are amazing, they are giving their all to save these hens' lives. I could only donate a tiny amount, but by sharing it I have been able to get donations from some family and friends, and I hope that those who can do something for this cause will. It's not every day we have a chance like this to make a real impact on such a huge number of suffering animals. You can also sign this petition to bring the farm owner to justice.
Ag-Gag Bills
There is one in Utah which has passed the House. For those of you living in Utah, please contact your senators and let them know that this is not okay. In order for people to learn the truth about factory farms, we need to continue to be able to send in undercover investigators to document the horrors without being treated like terrorists. One such bill, the first of its kind to pass, has already recently passed in Iowa.
People from MFA are protesting it. I hope it does some good : \
Antibiotic-Resistant Super Viruses
This is the second article I have found talking about how our overuse of antibiotics in factory farms (necessary to keep animals alive in such awful conditions) is breeding new antibiotic-resistant superbugs which are now infecting humans. The first was from a German news source, Der Speigel.
Fox Penning in Virginia
Click above to sign the petition against fox penning. It's a really horrible practice... I don't see how anyone can justify it.
Horse Slaughter in Missouri
Another petition link above.
Use of Pigs in Combat Training
Another petition
Ban the Sale of Whale, Dolphin, and Porpoise meat
and another.
Dying Cattle at Sea
The practice of shipping cattle overseas for slaughter is probably even worse than shipping them by truck. 3,000 cattle recently died when a ship got stranded....
Although there are a lot of other issues and petitions to look for, I'll let anyone who wants to look them up do so on their own. There are many problems in this world and it's easy to get overwhelmed. But we all just have to focus on what we can do, and do it, not get depressed about what we are not doing.
Response to an Investigator: Is God Okay With Killing Animals?
I recently had the happy surprise of being contacted privately on Facebook by a fellow LDS person who is interested in learning more about veganism. They asked me:
How do you interpret that part in Genesis that talks about animals and the so-called "license" that we have to use them for work (like oxen, horses, etc) and food?? I'm guessing this reference gets thrown at vegans in non-secular debates often. I usually know what non-believers would respond but what about vegans who believe in God and the scriptures?
I thought it might be informative to those who follow this blog for me to share my response. So....
Here is my response:
I assume you are referring to Genesis 1:26 which says "And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth."
This verse says that in the garden of Eden, God gave man dominion over animals. It does not specify what that meant (if you know of a more specific verse please direct me to it). If it is the kind of dominion God has over us, it is more of a responsibility than a "license" to use them however we see fit. I understand this verse to mean that we have a responsibility to take care of the earth and our fellow creatures. A king has dominion over his people, but does that mean he has a right to use those people? I take it to mean he has a responsibility for their welfare.
Now, there are more verses in Genesis chapter 9, detailing the first instances of when the Eden-like peace between animals and humans was broken. Verses 1-5 say
"And God blessed Noah and his sons, and said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth.
And the fear of you and the dread of you shall be upon every beast of the earth, and upon every fowl of the air, upon all that moveth upon the earth, and upon all the fishes of the sea; into your hand are they delivered.
Every moving thing that liveth shall be meat for you; even as the green herb have I given you all things.
But flesh with the life thereof, which is the blood thereof, shall ye not eat.
And surely your blood of your lives will I require; at the hand of every beast will I require it, and at the hand of man; at the hand of every man's brother will I require the life of man."
If we are to take these verses literally, we must conclude that God gave Noah permission to eat animals. The Joseph Smith Translation clarifies some of the latter verses in verse 11, where God tells Noah that "blood shall not be shed, only for meat, to save your lives; and the blood of every beast will I require at your hands."
This makes it seem very clear to me that God was only allowing Noah to kill animals for food because there was nothing else to eat after the flood--he says specifically "only for meat, to save your lives" meaning when they would otherwise die of starvation, and that "the blood of every beast will I require at your hands" meaning that the killing of animals is something we are accountable for, perhaps even to the same extent as killing another human being.
Therefore, the lives of animals matter to God, and he only allows the killing of animals in a life-or-death situation.
D&C 49:21 also states: “wo be unto man that sheddeth blood or that wasteth flesh and hath no need."
Because I have done the research to realize that human beings don't actually need to eat animals (or their byproducts) to live healthy lives, I feel that I am not justified in eating animal products. I would much rather work toward a better dominion where animals are taken care of as they were meant to be, rather than exploited.
The bible also condones owning slaves and stoning one's neighbor for breaking the Sabbath, so I feel that some rules in the Old Testament should be considered within their cultural context.
What it comes down to for me though, is what I feel in my heart. As I moved closer and closer to becoming vegan, I felt myself becoming a better and more compassionate person... I think, more Christlike in some small way. It was a beautiful feeling as my mind began to open up to realize that I don't ever have to rationalize being cruel to anyone or anything. I asked myself, about treating animals like objects... if it feels wrong, if it is violent, if it is unnecessary, why am I doing it? Wouldn't it be better to err on the side of compassion? It is so liberating to learn how to trust that impulse in myself rather than doubting because of the popular opinion of other church members.
Even if veganism is not currently required of church members, it just makes me think of these verses from the D&C:
"For behold, it is not meet that I should command in all things; for he that is compelled in all things, the same is a slothful and not a wise servant; wherefore be receiveth no reward.
Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness;
For the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves. And inasmuch as men do good they shall in nowise lose their reward.
But he that does not anything until he is commanded, and receiveth a commandment with doubtful heart, and keepeth it with slothfulness, the same is damned."
(D&C 58:26-29)
This is something that I want to be anxiously engaged in of my own free will, and I think that if more people were concerned with animals, it would bring to pass much righteousness, not just for animals, but in changing people's hearts to love and serve others beyond conventional borders.
Sorry this is such a long response again, I tend to get wordy when I'm trying to explain things that I feel very strongly about. I hope none of this comes off as judgmental of non-vegans and non-vegetarians--these are just the things I considered for myself in making my decision. There's more details in my paper of course, which I have attached to this email.
Thank you for letting me share this with you. It's not often I get to talk about these things to someone who is honestly curious.
How do you interpret that part in Genesis that talks about animals and the so-called "license" that we have to use them for work (like oxen, horses, etc) and food?? I'm guessing this reference gets thrown at vegans in non-secular debates often. I usually know what non-believers would respond but what about vegans who believe in God and the scriptures?
I thought it might be informative to those who follow this blog for me to share my response. So....
Here is my response:
I assume you are referring to Genesis 1:26 which says "And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth."
This verse says that in the garden of Eden, God gave man dominion over animals. It does not specify what that meant (if you know of a more specific verse please direct me to it). If it is the kind of dominion God has over us, it is more of a responsibility than a "license" to use them however we see fit. I understand this verse to mean that we have a responsibility to take care of the earth and our fellow creatures. A king has dominion over his people, but does that mean he has a right to use those people? I take it to mean he has a responsibility for their welfare.
Now, there are more verses in Genesis chapter 9, detailing the first instances of when the Eden-like peace between animals and humans was broken. Verses 1-5 say
"And God blessed Noah and his sons, and said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth.
And the fear of you and the dread of you shall be upon every beast of the earth, and upon every fowl of the air, upon all that moveth upon the earth, and upon all the fishes of the sea; into your hand are they delivered.
Every moving thing that liveth shall be meat for you; even as the green herb have I given you all things.
But flesh with the life thereof, which is the blood thereof, shall ye not eat.
And surely your blood of your lives will I require; at the hand of every beast will I require it, and at the hand of man; at the hand of every man's brother will I require the life of man."
If we are to take these verses literally, we must conclude that God gave Noah permission to eat animals. The Joseph Smith Translation clarifies some of the latter verses in verse 11, where God tells Noah that "blood shall not be shed, only for meat, to save your lives; and the blood of every beast will I require at your hands."
This makes it seem very clear to me that God was only allowing Noah to kill animals for food because there was nothing else to eat after the flood--he says specifically "only for meat, to save your lives" meaning when they would otherwise die of starvation, and that "the blood of every beast will I require at your hands" meaning that the killing of animals is something we are accountable for, perhaps even to the same extent as killing another human being.
Therefore, the lives of animals matter to God, and he only allows the killing of animals in a life-or-death situation.
D&C 49:21 also states: “wo be unto man that sheddeth blood or that wasteth flesh and hath no need."
Because I have done the research to realize that human beings don't actually need to eat animals (or their byproducts) to live healthy lives, I feel that I am not justified in eating animal products. I would much rather work toward a better dominion where animals are taken care of as they were meant to be, rather than exploited.
The bible also condones owning slaves and stoning one's neighbor for breaking the Sabbath, so I feel that some rules in the Old Testament should be considered within their cultural context.
What it comes down to for me though, is what I feel in my heart. As I moved closer and closer to becoming vegan, I felt myself becoming a better and more compassionate person... I think, more Christlike in some small way. It was a beautiful feeling as my mind began to open up to realize that I don't ever have to rationalize being cruel to anyone or anything. I asked myself, about treating animals like objects... if it feels wrong, if it is violent, if it is unnecessary, why am I doing it? Wouldn't it be better to err on the side of compassion? It is so liberating to learn how to trust that impulse in myself rather than doubting because of the popular opinion of other church members.
Even if veganism is not currently required of church members, it just makes me think of these verses from the D&C:
"For behold, it is not meet that I should command in all things; for he that is compelled in all things, the same is a slothful and not a wise servant; wherefore be receiveth no reward.
Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness;
For the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves. And inasmuch as men do good they shall in nowise lose their reward.
But he that does not anything until he is commanded, and receiveth a commandment with doubtful heart, and keepeth it with slothfulness, the same is damned."
(D&C 58:26-29)
This is something that I want to be anxiously engaged in of my own free will, and I think that if more people were concerned with animals, it would bring to pass much righteousness, not just for animals, but in changing people's hearts to love and serve others beyond conventional borders.
Sorry this is such a long response again, I tend to get wordy when I'm trying to explain things that I feel very strongly about. I hope none of this comes off as judgmental of non-vegans and non-vegetarians--these are just the things I considered for myself in making my decision. There's more details in my paper of course, which I have attached to this email.
Thank you for letting me share this with you. It's not often I get to talk about these things to someone who is honestly curious.
When Our Song Says Peace
A couple of thoughts and a story for you, today.
First
Having a tumblr has been simultaneously wonderful and revolting. I watch a lot of other vegan blogs and so I end up seeing a lot of pictures of the suffering of animals, pictures meant to inform other people. I also get to see some debates play out between the vegan bloggers and people who take issue with their various opinions (there was a really long and very depressing one about comparing factory farming to the holocaust). Sometimes seeing how cruel people can be makes me feel physically ill for the whole day. But on the whole I am glad I watch these other vegans because I'm inspired by their courage and the way they stick to their morals. It helps me know I'm not alone in what I want to do and the discouragement I feel along the way.
Second
As always, I am trying to find that happy place where my morality and my spirituality are aligned. This is proving to be harder than I expected. I so often feel alone among my fellow mormons because of my views on compassion for animals and other groups of beings which the church doesn't care about as much. My idea of God's unconditional love is apparently quite radical. I can't really describe how discouraging it is to realize that the church, which for most of my life has been my source of moral guidance, is not in perfect harmony with what my morals are now. But I try to trust God anyway, and believe that if it is compassionate, God is behind it 100% because he IS love itself.
While seeking for some comfort on this rainy day, I came across this hymn in the ELW, which is a hymnal from the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America. I love the ELCA's concept of "gentle justice". It makes so much sense to me.
When Our Song Says Peace
When our song says peace and the world says war,
we will sing despite the world.
We will trust the song, for we sing of God,
who breaks the spear and sword
and stills the storm of war.
When our song says free and the world says bound
We will sing despite the world
We will trust the song, for we sing of God,
who opens prison doors
and sets the captives free
When our song says home and the world says lost,
we will sing despite the world.
We will trust the song, for we sing of God,
who brings us home at last,
and gives a song to all.
It was just what I needed to hear. I have a hard time really trusting "my song," this message I feel so strongly about. I can't NOT sing it, and yet because the world says WAR, BOUND, LOST, so loudly that I often feel discouraged and wonder if I might be wrong. But God gave me that song for a reason, and it would be wrong of me not to sing it.
Finally
I promised to share this story several posts back.
When I was going home to visit my family this last December, I had to take the shuttle from the Las Vegas airport to St. George where my dad would pick me up. When I went out to the shuttle I saw a very androgynous person who I suspected might be female but didn't really know either way. I find androgyny fascinating so I felt unusually curious about her. She had very very short hair and was holding a pile of blankets and had a few large suitcases. I didn't speak to her, and she sat behind me in the shuttle, talking to another woman who was much better at talking than I am.
By listening to their conversation I learned that this girl was going to Cedar City because she had been addicted to heroine and had relapsed while trying to get clean, and her parents had kicked her out of the house, so she was going to stay with a couple of friends. She was suffering from withdrawals that made her feel like she had a bad flu. She'd never been to Cedar City before. The woman actually suggested she ask the church for help once she got there, and the girl said she didn't really want to get involved with the church. I'm sure she had some strong reasons, one of which was probably because she identified as gay. I turned around at this point and said "well there are other churches too that would probably help you out if you asked" because I didn't want her to be left alone without support because she was afraid of the LDS church. I understand why a lot of people don't want to get involved with the church, because unfortunately a lot of identities are not treated like they are valid by other church members (such as being gay).
I didn't manage a lot of conversation beyond that, but I did tell her I liked her short hair, and that my family lived within an hour of Cedar City and yes, I was LDS but fairly liberal for an LDS person.
For about two thirds of the drive this girl slept and I thought about her, how alone she must feel, abandoned because of one mistake while she was trying hard to turn her life around. I had the feeling I should write my contact information down and give it to her. I wrote down my email and facebook address with a little note.
When we got to St. George and were waiting to be picked up I asked her if she had someone coming to pick her up (stupid question), and she said yes and lit a cigarette with trembling fingers. I said "I hope this isn't too weird, but is it okay if I give you my email address? If you need someone to just listen, or, you know, if you need help finding your way around...." And she said "yeah, I would like that actually, thanks."
She asked me if I'd heard her whole story and I said I heard some of it, and she said "I just made some really... stupid choices."
And I said "it's okay. We all make stupid choices."
And then I said "I just thought... it must be pretty tough, since it's Christmas and all, and your parents..." and she didn't say anything for a second, sitting on the wheelchair ramp rail, and then she turned her face away and said "Sorry, I just feel like I'm gonna cry right now...." and I said "ahhh, it's okay."
She asked me if I could give her my phone number so we could text but I said I didn't have texting on my phone (which was true). I wondered if I should give it to her anyway so she could call, but I hesitated. I wondered if I should give her a hug, I wanted to give her a hug, but I hesitated, because maybe that would come off weird or something...
Then she heard the shuttle driver talking about the snow and the low temperatures in Cedar, and she'd just come from Vegas so she was worrying because she didn't bring a coat. I thought for a moment of giving her my coat, or digging out one of my sweatshirts. They had all been bought for me by my parents or Danielle's parents though, so I wondered if I should. I hesitated again. Then my dad showed up and I said "good luck" and goodbye.
I thought about her constantly for the next three days, wishing I had given her my number, my coat, found some way to help her besides just a nice gesture and a few "it's okay"s. I cried about her at the Christmas Concert that night. It was weird because she was just some stranger I met, but I felt such a love for her, such a need to let her know that there are people who will accept her even when she makes mistakes... I wanted to let her know that she was important, she was worth so much no matter what her parents or anyone said, and even if she kept making mistakes she would still be worth just as much. I know she had her two friends she was staying with, but sometimes it's not enough to just be lived with... everyone needs to feel loved, and to have a place safe enough to call home.
This experience helped me to start formulating in my mind the dream I have, of creating a place where people and animals can both go to be safe, no matter how damaged they seem, and hopefully that will be a way to start some healing for both people and animals. It will be a place where the song of peace can drown out the shouts of war. I'm not sure if I will ever be able to create such a place in my lifetime, but it's a dream I have anyway, and I'm so glad I met that person on the shuttle.
I haven't written your name down, because I want to respect your privacy, but if you're reading this, I hope you know that I love you, and you can still email or message me anytime. And if you do I'll give you my phone number this time.
First
Having a tumblr has been simultaneously wonderful and revolting. I watch a lot of other vegan blogs and so I end up seeing a lot of pictures of the suffering of animals, pictures meant to inform other people. I also get to see some debates play out between the vegan bloggers and people who take issue with their various opinions (there was a really long and very depressing one about comparing factory farming to the holocaust). Sometimes seeing how cruel people can be makes me feel physically ill for the whole day. But on the whole I am glad I watch these other vegans because I'm inspired by their courage and the way they stick to their morals. It helps me know I'm not alone in what I want to do and the discouragement I feel along the way.
Second
As always, I am trying to find that happy place where my morality and my spirituality are aligned. This is proving to be harder than I expected. I so often feel alone among my fellow mormons because of my views on compassion for animals and other groups of beings which the church doesn't care about as much. My idea of God's unconditional love is apparently quite radical. I can't really describe how discouraging it is to realize that the church, which for most of my life has been my source of moral guidance, is not in perfect harmony with what my morals are now. But I try to trust God anyway, and believe that if it is compassionate, God is behind it 100% because he IS love itself.
While seeking for some comfort on this rainy day, I came across this hymn in the ELW, which is a hymnal from the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America. I love the ELCA's concept of "gentle justice". It makes so much sense to me.
When Our Song Says Peace
When our song says peace and the world says war,
we will sing despite the world.
We will trust the song, for we sing of God,
who breaks the spear and sword
and stills the storm of war.
We will sing despite the world
We will trust the song, for we sing of God,
who opens prison doors
and sets the captives free
we will sing despite the world.
We will trust the song, for we sing of God,
who brings us home at last,
and gives a song to all.
Finally
I promised to share this story several posts back.
When I was going home to visit my family this last December, I had to take the shuttle from the Las Vegas airport to St. George where my dad would pick me up. When I went out to the shuttle I saw a very androgynous person who I suspected might be female but didn't really know either way. I find androgyny fascinating so I felt unusually curious about her. She had very very short hair and was holding a pile of blankets and had a few large suitcases. I didn't speak to her, and she sat behind me in the shuttle, talking to another woman who was much better at talking than I am.
By listening to their conversation I learned that this girl was going to Cedar City because she had been addicted to heroine and had relapsed while trying to get clean, and her parents had kicked her out of the house, so she was going to stay with a couple of friends. She was suffering from withdrawals that made her feel like she had a bad flu. She'd never been to Cedar City before. The woman actually suggested she ask the church for help once she got there, and the girl said she didn't really want to get involved with the church. I'm sure she had some strong reasons, one of which was probably because she identified as gay. I turned around at this point and said "well there are other churches too that would probably help you out if you asked" because I didn't want her to be left alone without support because she was afraid of the LDS church. I understand why a lot of people don't want to get involved with the church, because unfortunately a lot of identities are not treated like they are valid by other church members (such as being gay).
I didn't manage a lot of conversation beyond that, but I did tell her I liked her short hair, and that my family lived within an hour of Cedar City and yes, I was LDS but fairly liberal for an LDS person.
For about two thirds of the drive this girl slept and I thought about her, how alone she must feel, abandoned because of one mistake while she was trying hard to turn her life around. I had the feeling I should write my contact information down and give it to her. I wrote down my email and facebook address with a little note.
When we got to St. George and were waiting to be picked up I asked her if she had someone coming to pick her up (stupid question), and she said yes and lit a cigarette with trembling fingers. I said "I hope this isn't too weird, but is it okay if I give you my email address? If you need someone to just listen, or, you know, if you need help finding your way around...." And she said "yeah, I would like that actually, thanks."
She asked me if I'd heard her whole story and I said I heard some of it, and she said "I just made some really... stupid choices."
And I said "it's okay. We all make stupid choices."
And then I said "I just thought... it must be pretty tough, since it's Christmas and all, and your parents..." and she didn't say anything for a second, sitting on the wheelchair ramp rail, and then she turned her face away and said "Sorry, I just feel like I'm gonna cry right now...." and I said "ahhh, it's okay."
She asked me if I could give her my phone number so we could text but I said I didn't have texting on my phone (which was true). I wondered if I should give it to her anyway so she could call, but I hesitated. I wondered if I should give her a hug, I wanted to give her a hug, but I hesitated, because maybe that would come off weird or something...
Then she heard the shuttle driver talking about the snow and the low temperatures in Cedar, and she'd just come from Vegas so she was worrying because she didn't bring a coat. I thought for a moment of giving her my coat, or digging out one of my sweatshirts. They had all been bought for me by my parents or Danielle's parents though, so I wondered if I should. I hesitated again. Then my dad showed up and I said "good luck" and goodbye.
I thought about her constantly for the next three days, wishing I had given her my number, my coat, found some way to help her besides just a nice gesture and a few "it's okay"s. I cried about her at the Christmas Concert that night. It was weird because she was just some stranger I met, but I felt such a love for her, such a need to let her know that there are people who will accept her even when she makes mistakes... I wanted to let her know that she was important, she was worth so much no matter what her parents or anyone said, and even if she kept making mistakes she would still be worth just as much. I know she had her two friends she was staying with, but sometimes it's not enough to just be lived with... everyone needs to feel loved, and to have a place safe enough to call home.
This experience helped me to start formulating in my mind the dream I have, of creating a place where people and animals can both go to be safe, no matter how damaged they seem, and hopefully that will be a way to start some healing for both people and animals. It will be a place where the song of peace can drown out the shouts of war. I'm not sure if I will ever be able to create such a place in my lifetime, but it's a dream I have anyway, and I'm so glad I met that person on the shuttle.
I haven't written your name down, because I want to respect your privacy, but if you're reading this, I hope you know that I love you, and you can still email or message me anytime. And if you do I'll give you my phone number this time.
A couple of recipes - soup and pasta
When it got cloudy and miserable again I tried out making this Mushroom Barley Soup with Fresh Herbs, since I had that thyme and dill left over from making the rosemary dumpling soup. It turned out pretty good I think. But it reminded me of how far I've come in cooking.
The last time I used barley in my cooking was back when I was newly vegan in Hawaii and still had no clue how to cook. For some reason, back then, I didn't seem to realize that I could easily look up amazing recipes on the internet and buy whatever ingredients listed that I didn't have... and also that this was much less risky than trying to make stuff up myself with what I had. I remember boiling barley and then putting almond milk and random herbs in it, trying to make it into a passable soup. It was terrible. Kind of like a really bland but chewy porridge. Also I made a pasta salad where the dressing was mostly ketchup and some kind of oil. This is why you make sure you only try recipes on vegweb as a noobie if there's like a TON of good reviews on that recipe. It actually didn't taste horrible but it was kind of weird....
In any case most of what I cooked back then was just spaghetti with canned sauce, and burritos with canned vegetarian chili and tomatoes in them, sometimes corn too. That was about the extent of my knowledge and it stayed that way for a really unacceptably long time. At some point I finally broke out of it and started experimenting with recipes. I got discouraged a lot of the time when stuff didn't turn out at first. It's really hard when you try for hours to make something delicious and at best it's just kind of "meh". But I didn't give up for long. I'm really grateful to live with a best friend who puts up with my mistakes and encourages me to keep trying. Now I can make stuff that makes people go "wow!" Although that's mostly due to the wonderful recipes at The Post Punk Kitchen, I think I had to hit a learning curve first and start developing a sense of what works and what doesn't in cooking, because up until about half a year ago, I really didn't get it.
So the moral of that story is just keep trying, and it helps if you're getting your recipes from a good source!
Sunny Days and Signs of Life
It's only February but I'm already looking for signs of spring, or at least some kind of life in the otherwise barren winter. Especially on sunny days, I love hearing snatches of birdsong or seeing the splashes of green grass. Even the moss on the rooftops makes me kind of happy.
I tromped around in the park by my apartment complex today and saw these trees budding. They were the only ones. I thoroughly enjoyed myself, but the best part was when I was crossing the little bridge and realized there were two ducks in the creek. Or rather, a drake and a (female) duck.
I snuck around carefully to try and give them space. They were very timid, and moved into the shadows when I got too close, but otherwise seemed to be simply enjoying themselves in the water. The drake circled the duck protectively. He was very beautiful.
The duck had such perfect camouflage too.
As I stepped a little closer to get another picture of her, she was startled at how close I was and burst into nervous flight. Her movement alerted a large yellow lab dog who had been wandering around in the bushes by the creek, and he pounced into sight, which made the drake also take off. For a split second I thought what if somebody were to shoot those ducks right now, right in front of me? Right out of the sky. It seemed so odd, and kind of tragic, to me, that anyone would rather shoot a duck than watch one as I had been doing. I felt bad for scaring them, and I hoped that they would be able to find another peaceful place to spend their day. They seemed so contented in their little corner of the creek, and I had thought, what a shame that they were afraid of me, but how are they supposed to tell I'm no danger to them, when for so many decades they have been hunted by humans?
I was so pleased to see them, swimming so peacefully. I can only hope that someday the whole world is a safe place, for them, for the other animals, and for humans too.
I snuck around carefully to try and give them space. They were very timid, and moved into the shadows when I got too close, but otherwise seemed to be simply enjoying themselves in the water. The drake circled the duck protectively. He was very beautiful.
 |
| Can you find her? |
As I stepped a little closer to get another picture of her, she was startled at how close I was and burst into nervous flight. Her movement alerted a large yellow lab dog who had been wandering around in the bushes by the creek, and he pounced into sight, which made the drake also take off. For a split second I thought what if somebody were to shoot those ducks right now, right in front of me? Right out of the sky. It seemed so odd, and kind of tragic, to me, that anyone would rather shoot a duck than watch one as I had been doing. I felt bad for scaring them, and I hoped that they would be able to find another peaceful place to spend their day. They seemed so contented in their little corner of the creek, and I had thought, what a shame that they were afraid of me, but how are they supposed to tell I'm no danger to them, when for so many decades they have been hunted by humans?
I was so pleased to see them, swimming so peacefully. I can only hope that someday the whole world is a safe place, for them, for the other animals, and for humans too.